Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years
As much as possible, I want to live in the present. I try. I am not happy to admit this but there are times (a lot of times) when I take myself down memory lane and think about things that were and think about the choices that I have made. What if… What if… What if…
I can think of more than a hundred phrases after the line ‘what if’ but I might go crazy (or crazier than I already am). So I look back and smile… Not always. Sometimes I look back and just feel this void that I can’t explain. I think that’s normal, right? We all (now I’m assuming) look back to a certain point in our lives. Some good. Some bad. Some, never mind.
My not so straight friend: “So, what do you want right now to free yourself?”
Me (yes, ME): “I don’t know… I just want to cry and cry some more until no tears would fall. I want to shout, as loud as I can, until I lose my voice… I want to run, run as far away as I can, until my legs can’t run anymore… Then my heart will break… Then I’ll mend it…. So that he can break it again…”
What can I say? I was young. I was in love. And I got my heart broken. Nothing scientific about it.
But, no matter how broken I was, I managed to make myself whole again. Whole, but with some chips and dents in some places.
Still me. Fortunately. Unfortunately.
Today is Mother’s day. I woke up with greetings from family and friends. When I checked my FB News feed, I couldn’t help but smile. I saw the pictures of my friends’ awesome mothers.
I grew up with my mom. My father wasn’t always around and when I was 16, he left us completely. When I was young, I used to pity myself coz i didn’t have a father. When I saw my friends with their fathers, there was this pain in my chest that I could only explain as longing. I was young and I didn’t know any better. It took me a long time to realize that I need not look for someone who didn’t want to be part of my life. It took me a long time to realize that I was already complete. My mom, despite her imperfections, loved me perfectly and made me complete. We fought. We still fight. But at the end of the day, I am grateful that I have her as my mom.
Mom, you are not showy but I know that you love me. I am a cracked egg but you love me just the same. Thank you for all your sacrifices. I love you. We love you.
I am the youngest of four siblings. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother.I share my mom with them. And I share my sisters with my nephews and nieces. Before my sisters became mothers, they were my mom too. And I think using the past tense is incorrect. Till now, they still are. My sisters give me strength. When everyone else is pulling me down, they are there to pull me up. When our father left, my sisters sent me to school… My sisters, together with my mom, clothed me and fed me. To say that I am blessed is not enough to describe just how blessed I am to have them in my life.
Ate Marol and Ate Marlou, thank you for everything. For being a mom, a father, and a sister all rolled into one. Thank you for educating me, for loving me, for accepting my craziness. Most of all, thank you for loving my Bela as your own.
I could not think of a good working title for this post. Brain’s not working but heart is still working 100%. Scientifically, we all know that the brain really does ALL the thinking and feeling. And the heart is just there to pump blood so that we stay alive. But when we do good for others, you don’t need to think about it and check your feelings, all you need to do and be is: ALIVE. You just have to be alive and help others using your LIFE.
What am I rambling about???
Give back. Let’s give back while we still can. We live each day assuming that we’re still going to be around the next day. Yeah right.
With this, I refuse to live my life just for myself. Life is too short to waste it on me.
When I was a kid and I didn’t eat my veggies, my mom would often get mad and would tell me that other children didn’t have any food to eat. I wondered if I should feel bad that I had food to eat or if I should just send my food to them. I was a kid. Now that I am older (hopefully, a little wiser), I know it’s not about that.
If you can afford to watch movies or buy expensive stuff, don’t feel bad. You worked hard for it. You earned it (or your parents did–for you). Be glad that it is in your capacity to give back–don’t waste that chance.
I used to think that I have to be rich in order for me to help. I had no clue just how wrong I was.
We hear this a lot: “money is not everything”. And it’s the same thing with giving back. We have our TIME, SKILLS, TALENTS. It is up to us if we want to give back using those.
Several weeks ago, my kid (5yo) was having a not-so-good moment. She wanted to eat fried chicken (w/ rice and gravy) for dinner. With that, we had a mother and daughter talk about being thankful for what we have–food on the table. I knew that after a few days, she will forget about 80% of what we talked about. But I had to tell her, for my sake.
I told her about children walking 2 hours to school on empty stomachs. Children not having school shoes or even any writing pad. Worse, children not going to school because they have to work. My kid thought something was wrong–my tears were flowing while I was talking.
Education is important. We all know this. But a lot of us take this for granted because it is something that we didn’t have to work hard for–or fight for.
I don’t have the means to build schools or provide free education to the less fortunate. But that does not mean that I can’t give back.
If I can show these children why education is important, if I can give them hope, if I can make them understand that being poor should not hinder them from pursuing their dreams, if I can make any positive change in their lives—my soul will be full… And I know that all I need is for my heart to keep on beating… Just need to be alive–and well. I shall make change.
Changing the world is not easy, and it’ not supposed to be. But it can be easier. How? Visit these sites:
I know. I know. I’ve been meaning to write but I couldn’t make time. With work and my duties at home, I just had to put writing at the back of my head. I scribbled here and there though. But not online. The old lady that I am, I still keep a notebook and a pen beside me all the time.
Life has been good these past several days. I am on my way to changing the world–one step at a time. Did you know that even if you do not have the money to donate, you can still donate something just as important as money? Time, skills, experience… Those you can donate. You might think it’s not a lot, but it is! It’s already a step to changing the world… And this is just one thing that is keeping me busy.
As I have said, life has been good… I have finally found a company/organization that does so much more than just give back. It feels great to be part of something that was built just so charities (non profit organizations) get the support that they badly need. Though I am part of a ‘for profit’ entity, I know that the success of the business means more for those in need.
The work is not easy and the hours are crazy, but whoever said changing the world was easy?
Let’s all be awesome and volunteer