I am not a fan of the holidays

When I say “the holidays” I am referring to the weeks before Christmas and New Year. This includes my birthday.

Somehow, I feel this extra pressure that I need to be happy all the time. And I just can’t. It’s very difficult to keep myself in a state of happiness or gratitude.

I am not saying I stop being grateful. I still am. Just that the weight on my chest and the constant battle of the voices in my head makes me want to curl into a ball and sleep until the holidays end.

Right now, I am stopping myself from crying. There’s really no particular reason why I want to cry. I am worried. I am sad. I feel alone and at the same time I feel suffocated.

Next year, I want to go away during the holidays. Go to a different country. I think this is the best gift I can give myself.


Missing this little kid. Can’t wait to see her and bicker with her tomorrow!

Adulting at 34 years old

Lloyd and I just got back from a ‘quick’ trip to Citi Hardware to buy some house materials.

Let’s just say that we ended up purchasing items that were not part of our list.

I used to think that since National Bookstore was and is my favorite shop in the entire mall, I was already “there” when it to came to adulting. On a side note, I absolutely love kitchen items.

I was wrong. Citi Hardware just proved that. I already have a mental list of things that I want to purchase. It’s still in my head because I’m afraid that I’ll give Lloyd a mental breakdown if he sees a physical list.