So yeah, there’s a first time for everything. I don’t usually write when I am drunk. Wait–I don’t write at all when I am drunk. Though they say that “in vino veritas”, I really don’t give a fuck since whether drunk or sober, I write what is inside me. Coffee or booze, it does not really matter.

So why the fuck am I drinking and then writing anyway? I have no clue. It feels like nearly 4 years ago again–my breaking point. It seems that it was just yesterday that I broke down. I don’t even have a clue why I am breaking down now. Is it because I am thinking too much and thinking that I am not worth anything at all? Do I pity myself so bad that I resort to this kind of deplorable behavior–depression! What the fuck is going on inside my head?!?!? My heart–I pretty know what is going on there or what is NOT going on there.

I was writing my letter to God (how I pray–I write to God) earlier and was thinking that I will never think that He left me on my own–he never did. I did this to myself. I left ME. Call me selfish. Call me selfless. Heck I don’t even know which one is which. Heck I don’t even know what the fuck I am writing about. Sorry, I swear–a lot!

Listening to this song right now: “Fire on her waist, fire on her thigh, I love the scandal, she’s so dangerous.” What is wrong with music??? Seriously. Waist? Thigh? And those are dangerous??? Please don’t mind me. I am not in my sober mind. So I am basically just writing down all the things that I think about.

I feel invincible–with the booze–not! I don’t believe people who do unbelievable things just because they are drunk. Not dead drunk mind you. That’s DANGEROUS! That’s when girls get raped. And people who take advantage of girls who are drunk are just plain assholes–or more low than that.

Now this song is I guess more suitable for me–“A place for my head” by Linkin Park. Seriously. This should be my song right now. But half of the time I don’t even understand the lyrics. Energy? What? Wearing out your welcome? Precisely.