FINALLY! Day 10 BABY!
Which goes… ONE confession.
I do not love my father. I also do not hate him. For me, he is a stranger. But he wasn’t always a stranger. Though I didn’t grow up with him around ALL THE TIME, he WAS (emphasis on it being the PAST) my childhood hero. He used to work overseas (apparently, right now he lives in Kuwait) and out of the 12 months in a year, he was home for 2. I always looked forward to those 2 months. Communication was hard during those years–early 80’s to the late 90’s. There was no Skype or Viber. If you wanted to communicate–you wrote and you send it via the post office (which takes a few weeks).
I get it. Some marriages fail (mine certainly did). But does that mean that if your marriage goes down the drain, your WHOLE family fails too? When my father left my mom–he left US (his kids) as well. There was no talk of “This is not working, we need to part ways” with my mom. And there was no talk about how they were separating and we should not worry because we still had both parents–though separated. He just left.
He was my hero for the first 16 years of my life and I am grateful for his support during those years (thank you, in case you are reading this). I saw him last when I was 16–a freshman in college. After that, I found out WHO HE TRULY WAS (I don’t know about now, but I don’t give a shit). There was anger. Lots of it. But after several years (right now I’m 31 years old), the anger disappeared and there was just indifference.
Have I forgiven him for leaving us? Yes. Will I accept him back in my life (hypothetical question!)? Why? He made his choice by marrying his mistress (by using a fake death certificate–yup! He killed my mom–in paper). He lived with that choice for several years. For sure he will live with that choice until he dies. But I do wish him the best in life–same wish I would say to any other person.
So there–my confession. I neither love nor hate my father (I can’t call him Dad–not anymore).
Do you think I’m too mean? That was not my intention–truly. This was a conversation I had with my sister a few months back–about us being indifferent. Somehow, I am relieved that I am no longer angry.
TANDANDAAAAAAN! Done with the 10-Day Blog Challenge!!! Fuck! That was like the longest 10 (12) days of my blogging life! Not that I didn’t want to blog. It’s just the questions for some days were just ____!
By December 1, I start with the 30-Day Blog Challenge (or was it 31?).