Category: Ramblings

This is me, speaking through my fingers. Could just be about anything. Like the ant I see on my LCD monitor right now.

Facebook Status from the Past

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Chikitita you and I know–that the coconut nut is not a nut… It’s a coco fruit… May 27, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Somewhere over the rainbow… I got lost and ended up inside a tornado… La la la la la la la

May 31, 2009 at 10:04 pm
… Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own; he who, secure within, can say, “tomorrow do thy worst, for i have lived today. be fair or foul, or rain or shine, the joys i have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine. not heaven itse

June 6, 2009 at 3:00 am
I dream of sunsets–of heaven and of peace…

June 8, 2009 at 11:29 pm 
Yesterday, I did something I never thought I’d do… I went to Sto. Niño de Basilica and lit one candle for those people I’ve hurt and another one for those who’ve hurt me… I felt and still feel at peace…

June 26, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Goodnight world… Life’s been tough but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know there’s a reason for everything… And I shall live everyday hoping the reason behind everything will one day stare at me and tell me “Well Marmel, here I am. What else do you want to know?” I’d probably give that “reason” one kick and say “What took you so long you dodo!”.

Writing Drunk and all that

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So yeah, there’s a first time for everything. I don’t usually write when I am drunk. Wait–I don’t write at all when I am drunk. Though they say that “in vino veritas”, I really don’t give a fuck since whether drunk or sober, I write what is inside me. Coffee or booze, it does not really matter.

So why the fuck am I drinking and then writing anyway? I have no clue. It feels like nearly 4 years ago again–my breaking point. It seems that it was just yesterday that I broke down. I don’t even have a clue why I am breaking down now. Is it because I am thinking too much and thinking that I am not worth anything at all? Do I pity myself so bad that I resort to this kind of deplorable behavior–depression! What the fuck is going on inside my head?!?!? My heart–I pretty know what is going on there or what is NOT going on there.

I was writing my letter to God (how I pray–I write to God) earlier and was thinking that I will never think that He left me on my own–he never did. I did this to myself. I left ME. Call me selfish. Call me selfless. Heck I don’t even know which one is which. Heck I don’t even know what the fuck I am writing about. Sorry, I swear–a lot!

Listening to this song right now: “Fire on her waist, fire on her thigh, I love the scandal, she’s so dangerous.” What is wrong with music??? Seriously. Waist? Thigh? And those are dangerous??? Please don’t mind me. I am not in my sober mind. So I am basically just writing down all the things that I think about.

I feel invincible–with the booze–not! I don’t believe people who do unbelievable things just because they are drunk. Not dead drunk mind you. That’s DANGEROUS! That’s when girls get raped. And people who take advantage of girls who are drunk are just plain assholes–or more low than that.

Now this song is I guess more suitable for me–“A place for my head” by Linkin Park. Seriously. This should be my song right now. But half of the time I don’t even understand the lyrics. Energy? What? Wearing out your welcome? Precisely.

Looking back

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Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.  ~From the television show The Wonder Years

As much as possible, I want to live in the present. I try. I am not happy to admit this but there are times (a lot of times) when I take myself down memory lane and think about things that were and think about the choices that I have made. What if… What if… What if…

I can think of more than a hundred phrases after the line ‘what if’ but I might go crazy (or crazier than I already am). So I look back and smile… Not always. Sometimes I look back and just feel this void that I can’t explain. I think that’s normal, right? We all (now I’m assuming) look back to a certain point in our lives.  Some good. Some bad. Some, never mind.