Category: Ramblings
This is me, speaking through my fingers. Could just be about anything. Like the ant I see on my LCD monitor right now.
My something before reaching 30
Does life start when one turns 30 years old? I don’t know. I’m not yet 30 but it feels like my life started when I was 0 years old. But now that I’m nearing the big 3 0, I am feeling kinda old. A bit nervous. And with this feeling comes this great need to accomplish some things, both great and small, before reaching “IT”.
I told myself that before I turn thuuuuurrtttttyyyy (that’s 30 years old, thank you), I have to do or accomplish the following things:
*this is not sorted in any way*
1. Finish reading “The Arabian Nights” ~ this book is a masterpiece, for me anyway. I just have to finish it. Since I’m using DailyLit, it will probably take me a little less over a year to finish it.
2. Finish playing Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands ~ I know. I know. It’s kinda shallow. But the last game I ever finished was Final Fantasy Dirge of Cerberus. Or was it God of War II?
3. Explore APO Island ~ I moved to Dumaguete more than 10 years ago (1999) for my college education. Until now, I still have yet to visit/explore this island.
4. Get another Pug ~ I love dogs. I love pugs… I lost my Kitkat nearly 2 years ago… I still think of her often. I miss her…
5. Watch a horror flick without closing my eyes or covering my ears ~ I’m already thinking which horror flick… Suggestions?
6. Eat durian ~ The first time I tried, I cried. Silly. I know.
7. Learn how to put on make up ~ This is going to be a challenge. I need YouTube for this. And my sisters to buy me the stuff. ☺
8. Attend a tour by Carlos Celdran ~ If possible, attend it all…
9. Get a copy of Che Guevara’s Motorcyle Diaries ~ and yeah, read it too.
10. Visit the National Museum in Manila ~ I love museums!!! The best museum I’ve been to is The Getty Center in Los Angeles. And I can’t wait to go back!
11. Get another tattoo. ~ I have 3 (4 in reality, but the 4th is a cover-up of sorts hehe) already.
12. Join (and finish!) a 10k run. ~ But first I have to start running. waaaa!
13. Attend a yoga class. ~ I have been planning this for the longest time! Argh! Need to do this soon!
14. Make Bela a pumpkin costume. ~ I tried, it didn’t work. Must try again!
15. See Zoie (our dog) give birth. ~ But first, must get her pregnant!
16. Get hard-bound copies of The Hunger Games (trilogy). ~ Read it already though. At least 3 times!
17. Watch the Band of Brothers AGAIN.
18. Finish learning Deutsch. ~ It’s because of BOB that I enrolled for this when I was still in college. But dropped the subject since I didn’t want to miss out on some things… Like time with my friends. 🙂
19. Try the Zip Line in Southern Leyte. ~ I was already there. But I was (and still AM!) so scared of heights that I could not do it at all!
20. Grow my hair (at least shoulder length). ~ Not that my hair was always short… I just kinda miss my long hair…
21. “Try” to be soda free for a month.
those are the only things I could think of that I could really accomplish before reaching 30. The rest, needs more time. 🙂 Will be blogging about that next time. 🙂
To Love and Be Loved in Return
*I wrote this several years ago. Just re-posting old stuff since I’m transferring (trying!) my blog here.*
I was a hopeless romantic… Or so I thought.
I would say that when I was younger, I was a hopeless romantic. I was the against-all-odds type of girl. Somehow, that changed. I am not sure how I managed to change or if an experience changed me, what was that experience?
I can still remember those times when I had no pride at all. I would say sorry even if I knew that the fight wasn’t my fault, that I did nothing wrong. Those times when I would call him, and despite how many times he’d reject the call or slam the phone down, I would still call back—again and again… Just to apologize for something that he did.
I would do anything and everything just to make the relationship work. Even if it was causing more pain than happiness, I still wanted it to work. I would cry and cry because of the pain that I was feeling. But most of the time, I would cry because I always felt that there was something wrong with ME. That maybe, I didn’t love him enough. That there was something wrong with the love that I was giving.
Pathetic. I know.
Am I the same? Am I the same pathetic person? I would like to think that I learned from my past. Or did I really?
I still love the best way I know how. I listen not only with my ears but also with my heart. I hang on to every word that comes out of his mouth. I believe him. His words are always final. When he comes home, I always ask how his day was. Not out of obligation but because I want to know how my man’s day went. If he is tired, stressed, happy, confused… I want to make sure that he knows that I am there to share his burden. I would ask if he had food or if he’s hungry. If he wants anything… When he goes to work, I want to make sure that he has everything ready… All these things I do not because I feel obligated but because it makes me happy doing things for him. After all, I love him and I want him to feel that.
That’s just the way I am.
To love and be loved in return… It shouldn’t end there I guess. For the hopeless romantics and for the pride-less. It should be: to love and be loved the same way in return… Wouldn’t it be heaven for all of us romantics and pride-less people? To know that the man you love thinks about you the same way you think about him. To know that whatever he does, he’s doing for you and only you—just like the way you do… That even breathing is only for him…
Yes, I still love the same way. But I will no longer stay in a one-sided relationship. I will no longer love him more than I love myself. His love should be more than enough for the both of us—that his love alone can sustain my love for myself. If not, tough luck. I know better—NOW.
It hurts to say goodbye. It takes some time to get used to sleeping alone. But if he can’t love me the way that I deserve, I will say goodbye… I will move on… I will, someday, find that someone who will love me the way that I want to be loved…
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