Auf Wiedersehen 2012

Every time someone would ask me how my life was last year (2012), I answer with one or two of the following phrases:
Fucked up
Not good
Really really bad
Near hellish
etc (along the same lines)

Truth to be told, I might just be exaggerating–but I am not sure. During the start of the year, one of my fraternity brothers told me to be careful because the year of the water dragon is a bad year for us born during the year of the dog. I never believed in Chinese Astrology. I believed in fate and in choices.

Well, I still do. But somehow, a part of me wanted to believe that astrology had something to do with everything that went wrong with my life. But I owe it to myself to admit that everything that happened, I had control over (not all, but some). This is my LIFE. Not a life written by someone else’s beliefs.

Yes it was tough… Losing the company I helped start… Feeling guilty for all the jobs that were lost… Losing one of my best friends… Losing our apartment… Living with Yodawan’s family… Not having a job… Finding out that my aunt has stage 4 breast cancer… Fighting with my mom and knowing what she really thinks of me… My dad adding me in Facebook and after sending one message, deleted his account… Bela being so sick last December… Then my niece going through surgery a week after Bela getting sick… So yeah, it was a little fucked up.

But on the flip side, my Bela is now okay and healthy. My niece is recovering. My first cousin who was diagnosed with cancer had a successful surgery. The best friend who I lost got his happily ever after as well as a healthy baby girl (no, we’re still not friends). My sister from another mother (meaning my bestest best girlfriend) also got her happily ever after… And most importantly, 366 days of life… Not just for me but for my Bela…

To look back and just think about how bad it was would only mean that I learned nothing. It was like that at first. But now I know better. I need to look back and learn from 2012. I am not sure if I am stronger now. Not sure if I am wiser. But after everything that happened and did not happen, life is still good–and it will only get better.

So my dear 2012, auf wiedersehen. Thank you and goodbye. Time to start writing my 2013.


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